If you are visiting this page because you are having suicidal ideation, please stay long enough to read this through and to watch the video below. It won’t take long. My intention is not to force you out of the way you are feeling, I just want to share my thoughts with you, and I also want you to know that you are not alone.
I don’t know what your situation is: the state of your relationships, your finances, what symptoms you are having, and I don’t know if your ideation is withdrawal-induced or if this is something you have thought about (in your rational mind) and that you see as your best option. But the origin does not matter, I just want you to be emotionally safe. I know you are here because you are overwhelmed and you feel like there is no way out.
Feeling the way you do is very common, especially when withdrawal is problematic. If your experience is intense or if you are isolated, I understand only too well how devastating it can be to have to find the strength to deal with the symptoms day after day, often without any breaks. In addition, withdrawal may be impacting other aspects of your life and when you think about it all, you feel too scared to want to go on. This is a normal reaction. It doesn’t mean that you are weak or even that you really want to die. It only means that you have more pain and despair than resources to cope at this time.
I am glad that you are still here, still reading. This is promising and it means that even if you can’t sense or feel it right now, there is a part of you, deep down inside beneath all the fear, terror and despair, that is unsure. This is normal and it is a good thing.
Can you spend a bit more time here, just reflecting on the following thoughts?
- People do get through these times of crisis. Over the years I have spoken to many people, in withdrawal and with other life situations, who felt they couldn’t go on – that there was no way they could make it, or even that they didn’t want to make it. But they were able to hold on, the darkest thoughts passed, and they got through it. No matter how badly you feel right now, there is a good chance that the thoughts will pass too, that you will find ways of coping, and that you will go on to heal.
- Can you put some distance between now and taking action? What if you waited at least 24 hours before doing anything? You have already waited some minutes and you can keep extending this time. Many of the people I support find that if they put off acting on any urges for a given period of time, say 24 hours, 48 hours or even 1 week, that the worst feelings pass and something happens that makes them begin to feel even a tiny bit encouraged – either they reached out and got the support they needed, or the situation began to improve.
- People think about suicide because of the pain, the suffering and the feelings of hopelessness. They want relief. But remember that relief is a feeling and in order to feel, you need to be alive. So you will not feel the relief you are seeking if you are dead. There is that familiar quote that says “Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse. Suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.” It is very true.
- If you have shared your feelings with others and did not get the reaction you’d hoped for, just remember that many people are frightened when they hear of suicide, and although they may have wanted to help you or at the very least may have been well-intentioned, how they reacted would have been about their feelings of discomfort. That’s their stuff. It has nothing to do with you.
- Know that there are people who will be happy to listen and to help you. They will not judge you, call the emergency services or try to talk you out of how you are feeling. They will empathize with you and offer you care and compassion. After you watch this video, why not reach out to one of these people and share what you have been thinking and feeling?
One phone call can make a big difference:
- Search this Befrienders Worldwide website for a helpline in your area.
- Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
- Call The Samaritans
- Do a Google search for a crisis line that serves your area
- Carefully choose a trusted friend, relative or religious minister – someone who is likely to listen
- Call a counselor/therapist
Thank you for reading this and for watching the video. It would be good if you called someone now. You don’t have to burden yourself further by dealing with this alone. Talking is therapeutic. It is also important that you continue to care for yourself after the feelings subside. See if you can find coping resources and also get practical help if needed.
Sending love, light and thoughts of healing to you,