Please don’t think you have to apologize to anyone for this withdrawal experience and how it is manifesting for you… in terms of how you feel and how you get through the days.
Your intention at the very beginning was not to suffer like this. Don’t beat yourself up for not having researched the drug or for not asking your doctor(s) more questions. You did what you felt was right at the time, with the information you were given, and you took advice from a trusted source. There is nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about.
Your symptoms/signs of healing are not ‘all in your head’ and withdrawal is not something you can just ‘snap out’ of. You are recovering from brain injury due to discontinuing one or more highly addictive and toxic drugs that created changes to your nervous system, and for which time is needed in order for these changes to be reversed.
While you wait for this process to be completed, it is no surprise that you are dealing with very debilitating and distressing signs of healing that cause both physical and psychological problems. This is normal and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
However you experience your signs of healing is valid and important. If you were dealing with illicit drug withdrawal or alcohol withdrawal, you would have received much more understanding and support. Everyone would be cheering you on for being so ‘brave’ and for ‘turning your life around.’
But, sadly, we aren’t there yet when it comes to prescribed psych drugs and this results in isolation and judgements. Until things change, getting through this type of withdrawal will require much more strength and resolve than it would take to deal with other issues that are researched, acknowledged, understood, and supported.
The fact that you are still holding on means that instead of being embarrassed, you should be very proud of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. You are navigating your way through one of life’s most challenging, traumatic and isolating experiences, and you haven’t given up. No matter what, you have persevered. This is remarkable. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than heroic, because that is what you are. Well done.
