I don’t know how different my life would have been had I not experienced withdrawal. Early on, while in the throes of it, I could not imagine looking back and seeing any good other than my having recovered. The pain and devastation were so extreme, so isolating, at times so overwhelming, and so challenging in many other ways, if someone had said to me I would one day see withdrawal as the most inspirational and cathartic event in my life, I would have been unhesitatingly dismissive and probably a bit exasperated too.
But as I healed, actually while I was still in the post-acute, shell-shocked, “what on earth was that about?” phase, I started to see little glimpses of the good it was bringing to my life. The most profound was the gratitude and almost childlike wonderment at being able to do things I could not have done while severely unwell. The newfound appreciation for nature and for the simple things I used to take for granted. This has stayed with me.
The other was the depth of compassion and tolerance for us humans, including myself. I don’t know how to articulate it. It’s a kind of caring that transcends words. Now, the empathy (which was always there) is much deeper, and it’s almost as if there is a sense of understanding when someone says, “I just don’t feel well enough” that is devoid of any judgement… a feeling of “I got you. I think I know what you mean.” And this isn’t to do with withdrawal only, it’s with any challenge and anyone. And the self-compassion is more authentic and unconditional. Also, being in tune with my body, appreciating it and caring for it. These are gifts from withdrawal that I honestly don’t know if any other experience would have given me, at least so profoundly, and for which I will always be grateful and feel privileged.
Dear Friend, I don’t know how you will feel when this is over. I hope there will be gifts for you too and that life will feel as precious as it does for me and for many others who have recovered and have said the experience was life-changing in a positive way. If you can’t see it happening, please don’t dismiss the possibility. Your recovery is taking place and at the same time, the soul is also on a healing journey. If you are atheist this soul aspect might mean nothing, but for anyone who believes in a Higher Power, God, Spirit… whatever your concept, it might resonate – if not now, maybe later.
I hope this reflection will give a sense of comfort today, as you cope with whatever signs of healing you are having. Just imagine that it is highly likely that when this challenge is over you could end up feeling it was worth the rollercoaster ride. You could end up feeling that the outcome – the person you’ve become, the soul healing you’ve experienced, the gratitude and appreciation for the simple things in life that you now have, are special gifts from withdrawal, that will make the rest of your life most precious and fulfilling.
I think it was Richard Bach who said, “Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.” I believe this to be true and am grateful for the gifts I have received. May this experience, no matter how difficult it has been for you, bring you special gifts too.
With much compassion,
